You notice every time you break-up with someone, you end up right back in the arms of yet another? 

That was the cycle in my life for years. Jumping from relationship to relationship was the norm for me. It went a little like this: 

He complimented me. I melted and followed behind like I was super thirsty. We exchanged numbers. Clothes came off, before he asked my last name (if he even asked). Sometimes did that last one a few more times, and then he kept it moving.

There were even times I asked myself, "How can this guy just leave like that? I really went in, in bed!" Can you believe that? I actually would feel if I pulled out some magic sex tricks from my hat, he would stick around. I realized all too soon that it didn't matter if I worked it like I was some Rythmic Gymnist champion in the Olympics, his plans were never to stay. Yet, and still I continued to throw my body and my heart around like they had no value. I would ask myself why these men mistreated me, and blamed each of them for hurting me, and breaking my heart, but I was the only one to blame.

Why should he respect your body and heart, if you don't? You treat your heart like it isn't the crucial source to your physical living. You abuse and neglect it. Then when a man comes into your life and does the same, you blame him! But in fact you are to blame. You gave it to him.

That's how we treat God. He is the heart to our spiritual living. When we have a relationship with Christ, he beats inside of us. But when we don't have God, we don't have direction. And that's when we end up all over the place. Just a big hot mess, lost and alone.

What you need to realize is that, when you haven't let Christ heal and restore you, you leave yourself open and raw. The enemy continues to place people in your life that you think you need at that moment. He places a guy finer then the last guy in your path. A guy sweeter than the last. By the time you know it, you are all in-love again, and gave your heart away. . . again. 

When are you going to stop this cycle! When will you realize that you will never find healing in man? Being restored and renewed is a supernatural act, that no human being is capable of doing. You will not find love, if you have not found God. No man will ever love you second, if he ain't loving Christ first!

The enemy targets a broken and needy heart. He thrives and survives on your pain, hurt and tears. He will continue to send you a false and cheap imitation of love. They will be fine, sexy, and put it on you in bed, and just rock your world—that's the problem. If you continue to let your emotions control your life, they will eventually destroy you.  

It may look good, feel good, and taste good. But that doesn't mean it's good. And other times it can be good, but is it GOD? Did you seek guidance and direction from God that led you to where you are at, or did you seek direction from your emotions? If your life is in shambles right now, because of your choices , God ain't no where in there!

If you are a Christian woman, and you are dating, ask yourself, "Where do I see this going?" and "Why, am I dating Him?" Keep in mind, that if a man doesn't know Christ, he doesn't know love. Therefore, he can never love you, or anyone else for that matter.

Give your heart time to heal. Seek God out and give your heart and body to Him. Until your future husband comes, focus on falling in-love with Jesus. Stop letting your flesh get the best of you, and start wanting the best for you. Christ. 

Stop complaining that all you attract are, "no-good men." Instead, ask yourself what is it about you that attracts those no-good men. What vibe are you giving off? If you are meeting men and jumping into bed with them the next day, what do expect? 

God's best for you cannot be birthed out of your best for you! When you have disconnected yourself from God, your vision becomes obscured. That is why the Bible clearly tells us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding an in all our ways submit to him, and he will make our paths straight. (Prov. 3:5-6)

Is this man practicing integrity and self-control every day? He should be pushing you closer to Christ. And if he says he's a Christian, but you notice you are opening your legs more than your Bible, then you need to run. No, better yet, you need to flee! 

God has a unique purpose for you and it needs to be fulfilled—It will be fulfilled. This is your time. But God cannot work with you, or through you, if you continue to play the devil's games. 

Make a vow to yourself and Christ that as of today, you will no longer sleep with the enemy. Don't just hear everyone tell you what you need, and what you deserve— start wanting the same for yourself. Love yourself enough, and respect yourself enough to let go of the hurt and pain that keeps you from living a life full of joy and not temporary happiness. Let God do a work in you. Let Him create in you a pure heart, and renew a steadfast spirit within you (Ps. 51:10).

When we begin to let God into our lives we begin to see things clearly. We begin to see that what we thought was good, was just a trick from the devil. But what is truly good and pure comes from our Father. Give your heart to the One that will protect and appreciate it. God loves you so much, and has a plan for your life. No man will ever complete you, when he didn't create you to begin with. 

No man will ever give you worth or value. Christ has already given that to you.

So get off your back, and get in the Word!

Today, start dating Jesus Christ, and discover what a true gentleman He is. 

I was a single and discouraged woman, and I was mad about it.

There’s a lot out there that tells single women to wait and to be content with being single, and for me, that was hard to hear.
 
My heart craved companionship, and I was disappointed at the men around me. I wanted the guy who slayed dragons to get to me, and I prayed God would send me one.
And he said no.

I realized I was trying to push my best plans on the Lord— even though my best plans were woefully wrong compared to God’s plans.

A few months ago, I married my college sweetheart, and I could not have dreamed up a more wonderful man for me, but I had to wait. I didn’t meet my husband until my junior year of college. It was a large university, but we’ve wondered how many times we passed each other on campus before we finally met, how many times God smiled down on us and said, “Not yet.”

Be encouraged in “not yet.” It means God is moving in you and in the man he’s designed to love you. Pray for a man that’s pursuing the Lord, not the man you’ve dreamed up in your head, but also, pray for yourself, that God is molding you into the wife he needs you to be.

Don’t miss this part of the wait. Don’t decide to sulk at the “options” around you.

Because maybe you need to learn to be single.

Maybe you need to learn to value your worth.

Maybe Mr. Right isn’t ready to meet you.

But he will be, and it’s so worth the wait, ladies.

I say that with gratefulness because I’m still awed by my God who is so good he’s letting me experience marriage and love.

I needed “not yet” to remind me to seek the Lord first and I needed “no” to teach me joy within myself. 

Our God isn’t a God of settling and second best. He has orchestrated a world for you to grow and to glorify him. Don’t reduce him to just a God who gives husbands because he is a God bigger than marriages and bigger than our plans.

We all go through season searching for our true friends. We look for people who we can trust and share secrets as well as those who are dependable, loyal, and honest. How do we choose them, or does God do it for us? Do we keep them around because they are nice to us, or do we throw them away if they refuse to comply or satisfy a request? I am not promoting that you keep people around that will seek to do you harm or set you up for failure; however, we all make mistakes. Sometimes, we put too much faith in our friends; they are just as imperfect as the rest of us. Countless times, we hold them in such high regard believing they would not do or say anything to hurt us … when they do, our whole world is shattered. We have created our own idea the characteristics of a real friend, instead of seeking God to reveal the friendships that will bring him glory.
A man that has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24).
Jesus is one of the best examples of a true friend. He was denied and betrayed by two of his closest friends, Peter and Judas; however, he knew which friendship was worth keeping and which one wasn’t. 

How do you treat your friends? Do you show yourself friendly? Have you ever lost a friendship because neither of you were willing to forgive and move on? Do you look at the whole picture, or the surface of the issues?

Jesus knew Peter would deny him; he also knew Peter would go to do greater works than the temporary denial. He knew because he was in tuned with God and understood how the devil works. When he realized the devil was after Peter; he let him know. He didn’t go around talking behind his back. He didn’t get upset with Peter and end their friendship. He told Peter in so many words “Look, the devil is after you and his is trying to set you up. So after all this is over and you come back, then go strengthen your brothers. And don’t worry, I’ve already prayed for you” (Luke 22:31-34). 

On the outside looking in, it appears that Peter is a straight up trader because he denied knowing the Son of God. Peter denying Christ wasn’t his character. Peter didn’t think he would ever deny Christ. He stood up for Christ in other instances and knew who Jesus was (Matthew 16:15-18)! However, Jesus knew what would happen. Jesus knew because he knew Peter’s character and he knew the moment his friend was acting like himself because he referred to him as “Satan” (Matthew 16:23). Jesus didn’t allow this to stop the work because he understood it was part of the process. He knew their friendship was under attack and whatever appeared to be going on now would not stop the work God was preparing Peter to do (John 21:15-19). 

You know which friendships are worth salvaging and those that need to end. You know the people who are only around to hear your next move, gossip about you, and toss you to the enemy. Jesus did too (Luke 22:21-22). He knew Judas sold him for a few pieces of silver. Judas hand Jesus to the enemy after being in his face and learning his secrets. We all have those types of “friends” around. Don’t focus on them; pray for them and move on. We need to focus on the Word of God and doing what he has purposed us to do, spread his word. In the mean time, we should ask God to reveal who the Peters and Judas’ are in our lives.
When you’ve been friends long enough, you will go through a hardship or two. However you don’t want to lose the right relationship over a temporary upset. During the separation, focus on doing God’s work. Pray for your friend, instead of speaking badly of them because the work that has been postponed is not finished; there is greater work to be done! (John 14:12).

God hates divorce.  To the Christian, I’m sure this is no newsflash.  As a divorced Christian, I understand why God hates divorce.  He hates it because it hurts His children.  He hates it the way I hate seeing my children in conflict or in disobedience and enduring consequences because of their failure to think ahead, or because they allow that pesky self-will to run riot.  I hate when my children suffer because I love them.  God hates divorce because He loves us.

The sentiment that God detests broken marriages, however, is often flung around in sermons, or tossed into a gossip fest, or employed as a warning of damnation.  I know this because I have been guilty of using this passage to pass judgment before I was divorced; I will never do so again.

I heard and read that divorce could be likened to an amputation and the grieving process is similar to accompanying a death.  Believe me when I tell you, these things are true.  Throughout my process, I kept thinking, “Oh.  Yeah.  This really is as bad as people say it is.”  You don’t know until you know.  I wouldn’t recommend it.  

As bad as divorce is, I’m going to venture a guess that it may be more difficult for the Christian. The Christian, who sadly (according to many studies) is not immune, but realizes they bear extra guilt and an additional sense of failure because it is termed, ‘sin’.  This group, perhaps, obtains an additional loss as their sense of security in the body of Christ is shaken.  At least, this is my experience.

This is the first time I have truly ventured to tackle my pain in written words.  I have alluded to this topic on my blog, but have not had the courage or capacity to share my testimony; I still would never divulge the intimate details or outline the story.  There comes a time when a writer must bleed on paper and this is a defining point in my life.  I choose to bleed my first piece on Whole because I know what it’s like to be broken.  I knew the moment I read the mission statement, “here at Whole”, there was healing offered.  I share to heal and to offer hope through my honesty.

There is hope.  I am still on the journey and there is much more work to do, but I am here ‘working’ and letting you in.  Healing begins with acknowledgment.  While I have no desire to debate the legalities of divorce, I hope to shed light on a topic that is still considered a “dirty” word in church.  No group should ever feel alone in the body of Christ.  My hope is that by speaking my story, the body of Christ will remember amazing grace as well as compassion. Remember how tender God is; remember how He looked on the human race with compassion so many times while He walked the earth. Remember that we could begin to bridge the gap of visible and invisible shortcomings. Remember that those hurting will believe His grace is sufficient, if we will too.