By Carla Cannon
"Just because he is saved doesn't mean he is 'THE ONE'!"
Life as a single woman is not always easy. In my previous blog I shared with you,What to do Until Your Husband Finds You, in an effort to help you learn to enjoy where you are while you are on your way to where God is taking you. But this week I want to focus on you as a person, your individuality, your personal dreams, goals & aspirations. I want to talk with you about The Importance of Loving You. I’ve witnessed many women get married and lose their identity in their husband when God has a specific & unique purpose for them as well.
As single women we must understand a few things:
"A man does NOT complete you but he is to compliment you. . ."
- A man does NOT complete you but he is to compliment you via every area of your life. I know Keyshia Cole came out with the song, “You Complete Me” & we recited it like it was the national anthem but according to God’s word that is inaccurate. We are complete (made whole) in Jesus. Our mate should compliment our destiny in the Lord. In comparison, we are to be a helpmeet unto him as well.
- There is a such thing as two saved people being unequally yoked. Uh oh! I know I have lost you here, but let me help you. Just because he is saved doesn’t mean he is THE ONE. If his vision & purpose doesn’t compliment your vision & purpose then sweetie the two of you are unequally yoked. For so long the church has taught us that the true meaning of being unequally yoked was when one is saved and the other is unsaved. But I believe that the saints can be unequally yoked as well. Because if my goal is to travel around the world empowering people via Women of Standard Magazine, conferences, workshops & sharing my books but my husband is a SAVED man of God who happens to be well off financially and does not want his wife to work but only to assist him in ministry and have babies, then sweetie I would not be the one for him! Do you get what I’m saying? Allow no one to forfeit your purpose. No settling ladies!
- A piece of a man is NOT better than no man at all. It saddens my heart how many women stay with men (whether dating or in a marriage) whom they know is cheating on them. You deserve better! The only person you should be coming second to is GOD! According to scripture you should not be coming second to his mama either! The word of God tells the husband to LEAVE his mother & father and CLEAVE to his wife!
"Save the skimpy clothing for the bedroom, for your husband!"
- I know the world teaches us that the more we show and reveal the more likely we are to capture a man’s attention. In most cases this is true but remember you don’t want to capture just any man’s attention we want to attract the RIGHT man, the man of God whom is ordained to be our spouse. Now don’t get me wrong men are going to approach you but that’s where you will need discernment to know why he wants to be in your space. Ladies also let’s dress like ladies. Cover up your cleavage, get a longer skirt and loosen up your pants. Save the skimpy clothing for the bedroom, for your husband. I’m sure you heard the phrase, “Men want a woman in the street & a fre&% in the bed”! So let’s save something for the imagination. I believe we can be sexy without being provocative. F.Y.I. Ladies: True sexiness isn’t in what you wear anyway. True sexiness is found in how you carry yourself, how you dialogue, how you do what you do. Trust me on this one.
- Stop seeking compliments from men. It amazes me how many women dress to be seen & gain the attention of other men. Learn to do what makes YOU happy. If you get a new dress and YOU love it, wear it proudly even if no one compliments you! If you decided to cut your hair and try a new look, be confident being you even if no one tells you how they love your new hair style!
"Real men are attracted to women who are confident, strong, independent, and know who they are."
- Most importantly, learn to love YOU! Real men are attracted to women who are confident, strong, independent, and know who they are. Don’t be desperate and don’t do things to try to be seen. Now I am not saying act stuck up and as if you don’t need a man but what I am saying is be true to yourself and learn to see you the way God sees you.
- If you seriously desire to be married, I recommend you not date loosely. What I mean by that is, don’t accept every invitation from a man whom you just may be physically attracted to. Possibly talk with him on the phone for a while before agreeing to go to dinner. One thing I know for sure is you can learn A LOT about an individual by listening to the words they speak.
- Be a woman of integrity. Watch how you carry yourself. Don’t be out in public with one man this week and another the next. The Word of God informs us that we are not to allow our good to be evil spoken of so even if it is just a lunch date possibly take a girlfriend along with you just to ensure people are not getting the wrong perception of you.
"A good name is easy to ruin and a bad name is hard to recover."
Before God can send you a mate you must first come into knowledge and full understanding of who you really are in Him.