Cherishing God's Gifts in the Midst of Suffering
"For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 116:8-9
I've had little words to describe how and what I feel after the loss of our third unborn baby. Over the last few weeks I’ve experienced deep grief, numbness, persistent sadness, confusion, and guilt. But I’ve also been at peace with God’s answer to my prayers.
Recently I realized something. Recurrent pregnancy loss feels...oddly normal now. It has become our normal to walk through life carrying this type of grief. And the sadness of that is a quiet sorrow at times and a deep, lament-inducing ache at other times. Many are comforted we can conceive, but the reality is, I now enter a group who make up only 1% of women: those who miscarry three or more times in a row. I had hoped that wouldn't become true. And yet, here we are.
For those of us who can conceive, yet remain "childless", it very much feels like infertility paired with the loss of multiple children. I’ve had to grapple with the same question many of you have...will we be able to have children? It’s a haunting question, isn’t it?
And yet, I've learned to look at this trial as a gift from the Lord. It's not that baby clothes no longer bring tears to my eyes...they definitely do. And viewing suffering as a gift certainly doesn't take away the pain of watching everyone else's families take shape around us. It doesn't mean I don't struggle against confusion, fear, and anger. But it does mean even when I'm drowning in grief, God gives me eyes to see the gifts within the trial.
These gifts look like: more of Jesus, growth in our marriage, time to seek God in His word, compassion for others, and a deep longing for Heaven.
Father, thank You for Your goodness and mercy even in times of trouble and heartbreak. You are faithful and continue to show me gifts of Your love although I am hurting. Help me to cherish more of You and look forward to the day there is no more hurting or pain. Amen.
If you’re in a season of suffering, what is one gift you see in the midst of it?
About the Author
Brittany Allen is a follower of Christ, wife to James, and momma to two in Heaven. She exists to bring God glory and prays her writing is an avenue for that. She longs to encourage women to think and live biblically and thrives on seeing women open up their hearts to the Savior and to other women around them.