“But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” Isaiah 53:5-6
I stared at the positive pregnancy test as my heart sank deeper and deeper into my gut. The amount of thoughts racing in my mind weighed heavily on me. I was going to be a single mother, and this was my worst fear…my worst nightmare was coming true. My child would grow up in a broken home. It was all my fault; I was so ashamed. How was going to tell my parents? What would my friends think of me? What would the church think of me? What did God think of me? I cried out in despair pleading with the Father to forgive me of my sin.
I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. Premarital sex had lead to unwanted pregnancy, and I was broken. I was full of mixed emotion. Fast forward a week or two, God granted me the courage and humility to tell my parents they would be grandparents. Their reaction was filled with nothing but love and demonstration of the undeserved, unconditional love that the Gospel is permeated with. I couldn’t believe the amount of grace my parents showed me and how loving all my friends were. The church welcomed me in with loving arms. It was beautiful.
As the days went by, I became more and more secure in Christ and rejoiced in the life that He had blessed me with. I was beginning to be filled with joy, even if the stings of anxiety and worry were always present. I trusted that God was sovereign, and I knew I didn’t deserve this precious life inside me. I was pleading with the Lord to mold me into the mother He wanted me to be for my child.
Life abruptly altered once more when I found out I was miscarrying at 11 weeks. I was shocked and filled with the most pain I had ever experienced in my life. I couldn’t believe this was happening. That was my baby. How could God allow this to happen after everything I had been through? Yet again, the agony of mixed emotional hurt plagued my being.
My dear sisters, I am writing this today to encourage you to throw yourselves onto Christ and rest in the truths of the Gospel. God has forgiven me of my sin, He has blessed me with the opportunity to carry a child, He showed me His grace when I least deserved it, and He continues to heal my broken heart which grieves the loss of my child every day. I was depressed—He gave me joy. I was in agony—He gave me peace beyond my comprehension. All the unanswered questions I have begin to fade away when I look to the cross and trust in His perfect and holy will. I am still broken, but because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, there is hope for my redemption...and there is hope for yours. Because of Christ, we are redeemed children of God. Glory to Him forever.
Dear heavenly Father, I thank You for Your goodness and mercy. Thank You for the overflow of grace that has sustained me each and every day. I plead with you for comfort and healing. Forgive me for my wanderings. Bind my heart to Thee. Sanctify me and help me to live my life in a manner that is worthy of the Gospel. Thank You for loving me. Amen.
Are you struggling to understand the hurt that has gone on in your life? Are you doubting the all atoning death of Jesus Christ which has redeemed all of our sins? Meditate on Isaiah 53:4-9, and trust in the finished work of Christ. He is our hope, comfort, and redemption.