Sweet Friend, Babies Aren’t Band-Aids
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.” 1 Peter 1:3-5
If you’ve ever experienced miscarriage or still birth, you may have been tempted to believe another baby would heal your heart and give you the joy you long for. The TTC (trying to conceive) and child-loss community isn’t always a helpful place to look as they often encourage you to place your hope in a baby. “Just be patient. You will have a baby.” Many times, even words spoken in Christian circles play into this false belief. “Don’t worry, you’re young. You’ll have another baby.” But what happens if you don’t? And even if you do, will that heal your heart from past trauma? Will it erase the grief of the baby/babies you’ve lost?
I’ve lost three babies and am currently pregnant with what we pray will be our miracle baby. Recently, I sat down at my computer to write about recurrent miscarriage and my mind was flooded with memories. Tears filled my eyes as I thanked the Lord for the gift of being able to comfort others in their suffering.
And then the sweet baby boy growing in my womb moved. Pregnancy after loss is a beautiful gift, but it’s also a weighty one. With every milestone, joy fills my heart. But many times it’s also paired with the bittersweet truth of all I missed with the three babies I lost. They were just as human as our little boy, though I never felt them move from within. Their lives mattered just as much, though there was no baby bump to display their presence.
I tell you this because I know many women believe the lie that another baby will heal their sorrows and wipe away their grief. But babies aren’t band-aids. Each child is an image bearer of God, and no child can replace a child who was lost. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for our unborn baby boy. But he does not take away the grief of losing his three unborn siblings. God has brought so much joy into our lives through this child. But He had brought much joy even as my womb laid empty.
Only Jesus can heal our hearts and comfort us in sorrow. Don’t make the mistake of placing your hope in earthly things. You will be sorely disappointed. Look to Jesus. Deepen your roots into the True Vine and strive to abide in Him. Remember, you have been born to a living hope and given an imperishable inheritance! Place your hope in Christ and Christ alone.
Because babies aren’t band-aids.
Father, the loss of a child at any stage is devastating and the grief can be deep. Help those of us who have experienced this pain place our hope in You alone. Give us joy in You, even as we face the hard circumstances of this life. May we be satisfied with Your presence. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Have you lost a baby to miscarriage or still birth? We’d love to hear how the Lord comforted you in the midst of it.
Brittany Allen is a follower of Christ, wife to James, and momma to three in Heaven. She exists to bring God glory and prays her writing is an avenue for that. She longs to encourage women to think and live biblically and thrives on seeing women open up their hearts to the Savior and to other women around them.