She Speaks

She speaks…

She speaks as if time is standing still. She speaks so that others can be free by reading her testimony. It is almost as if she imagined everyone waiting in line just to get their books signed. She speaks because she does not want to be quiet anymore, as if it were the enemy who said “let us have a moment of silence” for those who are dead!

She speaks so that other will know that she is alive and doing just fine. She speaks so that her words will be leaked out like tear gas, attacking every street corner. She speaks to enlighten preachers about sugar-coating the good news of the Gospel they teach that only leads people away from Jesus’ feet. It is time that she speaks.

She speaks…

She speaks to break the silence because it is not always golden. She speaks so that others can become wise and no longer feel that they have to hide. Many claim that they knew how to “set me free” with all the recommendations of “letting go of the old” only to put me under a new stronghold. The wisdom of worldly friends…

Here I am in this relationship with a woman. Can I be real with you? This woman was a different breed. I found myself weak at the knees for her.

She was determined to get a taste of my “fish” and I am not going to lie – I allowed her to lay my body down as if it were her personal playground.

At this time was I saved? No!

Did I attend church on Sundays? Yes!

Did I read my bible? Not often!

I lived a life as a sinner who was in need of a savior, and I was not under the authority of a pastor who taught that homosexuality is a sin. I was on my way to HELL reading the sinner’s prayer.

She speaks...

Well, let me start from the beginning.

At a very young age I knew I was different from my sisters. I was always a tomboy at heart; I played sports, did not have boyfriends because the boys were my friends, and I always had an attraction towards girls.

I do not know exactly where that came from. Neither my mother, nor my father, was gay, and though I had women in my family who lived the “secret” life of homosexuality, it was none of my business at the time (sips tea).

I had a childhood friend to whom I was very attracted. I found myself at her house playing outside games such as “catch a girl, get a girl” and, well, that's exactly what I did.

She speaks…

I did not just want to “catch” the girl I “wanted” the girl.

See, there is a difference between you and me. My friend would spend the night at my house for sleepovers and we would find ourselves on top of each other or touching each other’s private parts. 

That is where it all starts.

To the parents who may be reading my story: even if your daughter has friends that are girls, if they sleep over your house, please keep the bedroom door open.

Why? Because the flesh does not understand that “they are just friends.” The flesh is weak and the enemy, Satan, does not play fair. If he cannot use you as his instrument of destruction, he will go after your seed. Please take heed! Understand, my mom’s room was down the hall and she DID NOT have a CLUE what was going on inside her daughter’s bedroom.

She speaks...

She speaks now with confidence. She speaks like she was told: whatever is in the dark comes to light. She speaks because she found herself a Bible in which she could easily read the words that called out the very sin that she was once practicing. She speaks as one viewing dirty dishes in the sink that are ready to be washed, remembering a time before she understood that her dirt was being washed and cleansed too.

Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin.

(Leviticus 18:22 NLT)

She speaks...

She speaks as if her eyes have been opened to something new. It was as if someone placed glasses on her face so that she can check out the fine print written over 2,000 years ago so that she could now repent.

I found myself confessing every sin against God. I repented of my sin July 31, 2010.

She speaks as one who has surrendered her life over to Jesus Christ. She speaks as one who searched the scriptures for herself, and found that God was there, waiting to meet her in her time of need.

She speaks to every boy or girl who is dealing with the spirit of homosexuality: you can and will be set FREE!

She speaks...

She speaks out to the church and the on-lookers who are so quick to judge, that want to “cast out the spirit of homosexuality” from a person, but never once bother to ask what might be the “root” of why this or that person is attracted to members of the same sex.

Can I be honest with you? The reason that I gravitated toward women was because I was “rejected” by my biological father and was “injected” with false love.

Once I was saved, I had to repeat the words “JESUS LOVES ME” every night because deep down I couldn't understand why Jesus would die for a wretch like me!

She speaks...

She speaks because she understands that life and death is in the power of the tongue (and the “tongue game” of the woman I was sleeping with was not nice enough to spend my days in hell for).

So, I had freedom and a choice. And I chose Jesus Christ to be the man of my life.

She speaks…

She speaks as if somebody out there is ready to listen. She speaks to deaf ears that are being opened. She speaks so that many will be inspired by her own brokenness. She had to search for the missing clues to this thing called life, and discovered she was once lost but now is found.

She speaks so that others can be healed from pain like hers. She speaks from a place called freedom; a place she can be all God destined her to be.

I am she that speaks. 

And even if I knew the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant my apple tree.

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

(Galatians 2:20 NLT


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About the Author :

Tearsa Hairston was born and raised in the city of St. Louis, Mo. She is a writer and author. Her very first book “Confessions of An X-Homosexual”will be released this year. She’s committed to spreading the un-compromised, unapologetic Word of God.