I think all of us as women (and men) struggle with insecurity on some level or another; questioning and doubting ourselves. We tend to look outwardly for acceptance and affirmation to somehow establish some sort of identity. When we can't find it in others we just fake it until we make it, hiding behind the attractive facade we've created with the hopes that no one will see the insecure and broken woman behind that mask.
Insecurity is defined as: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence; self-doubt; worry; unease.
I have battled with insecurities all my life, and if there is one thing I know for sure it is that if you are struggling with insecurity, you are struggling with other issues and when we get down to the nitty-gritty of it all—it's root cause is rejection.
As a young child my father cheated and then left my mother. He didn't come around a lot or made plans to see my sister and me, but never followed through.
It left me feeling rejected. When it came to men and dating, I was extremely insecure. "Will he leave me too?" "Maybe, if I do this or that he will stay with me." You see that cycle?
Fast forward some years, and married, my husband had an affair a few months into our marriage. Although I had forgiven him, he was not sure he wanted to continue with the marriage. How do you get over a betrayal like that, right? I was left feeling rejected, yet again, and insecurity followed not to far behind.
I can go on and on about the different stages in my life where my insecurities were a stronghold, not only in my relationships with men, but also with friends and even my own family.
But the fact is, we cannot base our security on our spouses or boyfriends, being faithful to us, or our girlfriends being loyal to us, or our parents being present in our lives. What if they died tomorrow?
You have to know that God is your security, that he does not change even when everyone else has.
How do we battle insecurity?
1. With your identity.
Who are you? Who are you in Christ? If you are dealing with insecurity, most likely you have no idea who you are in Christ, or you forgot somewhere along the way and need a little reminder:
You are complete in Jesus. And you are complete in Him, made full and having come to fullness of life [in Christ you too are filled with the Godhead—Father, Son and Holy Spirit—and reach full spiritual stature]. And He is the Head of all rule and authority [of every angelic principality and power]. Colossians 2:10
You are an Heir with Jesus. And if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. Romans 8:17
You are alive in Jesus. Even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved). Ephesians 2:5
You have been set apart. 'Thus you are to be holy to Me, for I the LORD am holy; and I have set you apart from the peoples to be Mine. Leviticus 20:26
You are a daughter of the Lord. “I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18
2. Stop comparing.
Theodore Roosevelt said it best: "Comparison is the thief of joy." And since Jesus is the giver of joy, that's where we should be looking. So much of why we struggle with insecurity is because we are comparing our private lives to everyone else's public presentation of perfection. I promise you their life is not perfect! Even the most beautiful of women have insecurities and wish they looked like someone else.
You don't need to question and compare yourself. You are where God wants you to be, and you are who God wants you to be, so stop telling Him he made a mistake. God doesn't make mistakes. He loves you just the way you are. Every facet of you was made in His image. It doesn't matter how you dress, how you look, what car you drive, or how big your house is...Jesus loves you no matter what. Recognize that you can never compare to anyone else and no one can ever compare to you. He didn't design us that way. He created us in our own unique and beautiful way. Embrace it and work on being content with your portion.
3. Fix your eyes on Jesus.
This is it. I didn't make this the first one, because I wanted to save the best for last. Instead of looking around you to people or the temporal things of this world to make you feel happy and secure—Look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith. Your Healer. Your Comforter. Your Abba Father. When we take our eyes off of Jesus the world spoils our mind by telling us how we should look, or how we should dress to be accepted. But Jesus was rejected on the cross so that we could be accepted. When we keep our eyes, heart, and mind fixed on Christ we experience His presence in our lives. A presence that brings us unsurpassing peace, love, hope, grace, freedom, and finally true and genuine security.