5 Steps to Getting Over Your Ex: Surviving A Breakup With God's Help
Breaking up is never easy, whether you are the one doing the breaking up or the one being broken up with. Let's face it. Even for us Christians breaking up is never fun. But when it all settles, and we take a moment to reflect on the relationship it won't be long until we see where it all went wrong. More importantly, when we truly begin to seek God and His will for our lives—including love lives—then we can start desiring what He desires for our hearts. So, fear not, the Lord is with you during these difficult times.
1. Big girls do cry.
It is okay to cry. There is no reason denying that it hurts. Sometimes getting a good cry in can be a catalyst to moving on and moving forward. Keep in mind not to spend too much time in this season though. Remind yourself of why you and your ex are no longer together in the first place.
2. Cut off all contact.
Do not try to be friends with your ex right now. Do not try and hang out with his guy friends either. Do not text him when his favorite song plays on the radio. The easiest, fastest and healthiest way to get over your ex is to initiate clear boundaries from the beginning. Unfriend him on Facebook, unfollow him on Twitter, and stop getting your hair and nails done with his momma (yes, it is that serious). Refrain from stalking his social networks, because it will only prolong your healing process. Remember, this is for your good.
3. Spend time with your sisters in Christ.
Now is not the time to reach out to your worldly friends just to bash your ex, go clubbing, and get wasted. Consider that if this is only a season of separation for you both, slandering him to your friends and mutual friends will leave things a bit awkward if there is a reconciliation in the near future. Seek out your godly friends for support. Let them pour into your life and pray for you. When you are out with your girlfriends, do not dwell and reflect on your breakup, rather ask about their lives, relationships. You will be surprised to find out that when you take the focus off of yourself and what you got going on, and you place that focus on others it helps to give you a better outlook and perspective on your situation.
4. Spend even more time with Jesus.
Fill this time that you use to spend with your ex with Jesus and watch what a difference you will see very fast. Have date night's with Jesus. Create a beautiful, quiet, and romantic atmosphere with candles and get your Bible. Go back to your first love. Let Jesus heal your heart from the inside out. Sometimes we get so caught up in our relationships that we can lose our identity. Let God remind you that your identity, and your worth were always in Him not in your ex! Go as hard for Jesus during this time as you did for your man. Give yourself time to heal slowly. When you are having a bad day and tempted to call your ex, put your phone down and fall on your face. Cry out to Jesus. Know that He will heal your broken heart. He truly does work things out for the ultimate good.
5. Stay single for now.
This is not the time to go and get into a rebound relationship. This is your season for healing and restoration. God draws near to the broken-hearted. Use this time to spend with Jesus (refer to #4). During this time you may be carrying baggage filled with hurt, bitterness, anger, and sadness. Give God a chance to do a major uproot cleaning in that heart. Give your "Boaz" a fair shot when the time comes. You cannot give a guy a fair shot if you are still carrying around past hurts. Focus on your season of singleness and become intimate with Christ. Learn Him all over again. Remaining at His feet is reassurance that healing and breakthrough is right around the corner. So what if everyone else is in a relationship! Singleness is not incompleteness. It is a gift, a blessing. Being single does not necessarily mean you are unavailable. Sometimes you have got to put a sign up that says, "do not disturb, God is working on my heart." Keep in mind that this season allows for more undivided time between you and the True Lover of your soul.
This may be a tough season, sister, but you will be strong because of it. Praise God for shutting the door on something He knew wasn't His best for you. Weeping may endure for the night, but rest assured that joy—true joy—will come in the morning.