The Day I Attended My Own Funeral

I attended her funeral it was the only way I could get some peace. I remember seeing her lifeless and lackluster body. I remember watching as they piled dirt on top of the lowered casket. The smell of grief wafted through the air, but this R.I.P. had to be in order to meet with her destiny. I remember seeing old ideas and dreams get buried with her and watched what she used to want disappear. I recited her eulogy which after many times of practice I was finally able to get through without crying, and threw one rose on her casket. He held my hand and waves of disbelief, fear and uncertainty washed over me.

Does it really have to be this way?”

I asked with heartbreak in my eyes to him who held my hand.

But I will miss her; I don’t know how to live a life without her.”

He gripped my hand even tighter as he gently looked into my eyes as simply replied,

Yes my love and I will teach you a new way of living without her.”

As I left the cemetery I felt a calmness and sense of relief,

Years later, I thought I had moved past the loss and had embraced the change but then she had rose from the dead. She began showing up in my relationships and thoughts, hell bent on ruining every possible connection. She showed up in moments of harsh words, anger and thoughts of unfairness and bitter betrayal. She showed up in a full form mixture of doubt and unwillingness. How in the world do I make her return back to that deep hole in the ground where I thought I had left her? Why the need for the zombie comeback?

Things to remember:

Funerals for our flesh are not and will never be just a one-time thing. We must be aware of the flesh woman comeback. She usually shows up in moments of being uncomfortable, irritable, in sin and fatigue.

She is not your friend. She may come back decorated in what used to be or as something that at times is missed, but do not be deceived by her pretty package tugging at your heartstrings stuck in a cloud of nostalgia. She is death underneath nasty, smelling, rotting flesh. She is bondage wrapped up in decayed flesh.

She is a zombie. When you see zombies in the movies they are not helping people, they are doing the absolute opposite that ends in death and destruction.

T W E E T  T H I S

How to keep her in the grave:

Renew your mind, refresh your soul, and hydrate your spirit.

Renew your mind constantly and consistently. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2 NIV)

Refreshing the soul requires rest and prayer. The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.” (Psalm 23:1-3 NIV)

Hydrate your spirit with the Living water. The Living water never runs out and is always available to you. But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14 NIV)