By Heather Lindsey
So I get this question a TON! So I figured it would be a good idea to just give you so me basics.. of how to recognize a RANDOM. Yeah, I'm giving you some practical tips but you have to make sure that you're spending time with God daily (I blogged about it here) & letting Him lead your life. PEACE should rule as an empire in your heart daily.
If you're new to what "RANDOM" is-- let's define it, A Random is defined as a person you KNOW you'll never marry but you date them to fill a void because you're lonely or bored. A random is that ex boyfriend that is still trying to EMOTIONALLY connect with you and you're married. A random is a co-worker that is switching' all hard in your face trying to get your attention. A random is a unhealthy relationship. This could also go for friendships as well. It's that person you KNOW is messy & gossips about everyone..but you still hang around them. If they're talking about others, they're talking about YOU. It's that friend that says, "girlll, you better get it-- he got money"-- or that guy that says "lets hit the strip club tonight.." I also introduced a "No Randoms" pinky promise bracelet as a fun reminder to tell them to get' outta' here! :) You can get one here.
Another disclaimer: NO man or woman is perfect, so get that fantasy out of your head. If you want a fairytale, watch a Disney movie. PEOPLE will have things that they need to work on. However, you should have standards and deal breakers.
But specifically for this blog-- we'll focus on No Randoms in a relationship. These could go for MEN or WOMEN.
How to Identify a Random 101
1. The Wrong Timing Random- this random says... I think that you're PERFECT for me.. but it's just the wrong TIME. What this really means is.. I have so many options & I'm not sure which one to choose. If I go with you, I'm afraid that I'll miss out on all these other people. So if I emotionally string you along, you'll think that there will always be a chance.. that we'll end up together. Then, when you end up getting into a relationship-- I'll act mad but secretly, I didn't care about you. I was on to the next one a long time ago. This kind of random is never satisfied. They love attention and crave it from people in general. RUN from this random. You'll look up and they'll end up married to someone else. THEY NEVER WANTED YOU. IF THEY DID.. they would have pursued you.. God's way.
2. Commitment Probe Random- This random HATES commitment. They'll date you but as soon as you get "too close" for their comfort, they'll RUN. They have been hurt so much in their past that the thought of committing to someone their whole life scares them. OR they'll date you for 10 years and it will never be the "right" time to get engaged. They'll make excuses forever until you get sick & tired & give them a deadline. COURT with a purpose. Everything and everybody needs to have some type of PURPOSE in your life. IF they have no purpose.. they gotta go.
3. Charming Random- This random.. is a CHARMER. They make everyone feel good about themselves. They have a way with words, has "swag", can dress, is usually the popular kid and is a big time FLIRT. Dating this random will put you in positions where you're often telling them to STOP talking to other people of the opposite sex in the way that they do. You'll argue about their many friends of the opposite sex & they just won't ever get the memo. They'll blame you as they continue to flirt with the entire world & roll their eyes at you. They will eventually despise you because you'll never accept their need for attention and the attention you give them.. is not enough.
4. Clinging Random- This random.. loves to make you their god. That's a strong word, right? Well, this random does EVERYTHING for you. Cooks, cleans, stays the night often, wants to be with you 24-7, calls you the second they have any issue and pretty much replaces YOU with God. I mean, why do they need God if they have YOU who responds to their many emotional needs? They REFUSE to finally give God their heart and blame you & everyone else for their unhappiness. God is VERY clear in Exodus 20:3-- "there should be NO other God but Me." If that PERSON wants to be FIRST to God-- they have to GO. This random is also really controlling because they feel like you are all they have. Remember, don't BE a void filler. That's God's responsibility.These relationships end with a ton of screaming, crying & drama.
5. Random with a trillion chicks or guys- Yeah, you know. Its the guy or girl that has a little black book of people from Elementary that they can just reach out to at will that will fill their little emotional and sexual needs. Is it right? Heck no! But they end up falling for you... and find it way to hard to really commit to just one person. So you become their main squeeze with a plethora of other side chicks or guys. You have to sneak around and look at their cell phones and Facebook page messages often because they just cannot be trusted. They feel like they have SO many options.. they cannot just possible settle with you. Let's all be clear-- this random needs some time ALONE to get whole with GOD before they try to get into a relationship with YOU.
6. Sorta Random Christian- This random.. goes to church on Sunday but is at the club on Saturday night. They sleep around, curse, dress half naked and refuse to change their life. This person wears the title of a Christian but NOTHING about their life identifies that they really trust God & that they live for Him. This random will PULL you off the chair and CONFUSE you because they were just at church with you.. praying in tongues and then right after church.. they are trying to pull off your clothes behind clothes doors. This random isn't completely sold that God's way is the best way so they work real hard & try to figure out their life & call it God but in all honesty.. God has NOTHING to do with it. RUN from this random quickly. You need to see some FRUIT in their life & some standards before you kick it with them.
7. Play-House Random- This Random wants you to stay the night 24-7, cook, clean, call you "wifey" or "hubby" but refuses to propose. This person wants to sleep with you, make a ton of babies and pretend to be married but not really commit to you. They want all the benefits of marriage and quickly tell you.. "things are perfect-- why do we need to change it with a piece of paper-- we know in our "hearts" we're married"-- FAIL. HUSBANDS get HUSBAND treatment and BOYFRIENDS get BOYFRIEND treatment. Same goes for girlfriend treatment. I'm jus saying'.
8. Immature Random- This random.. is so immature it drives you nuts. They REFUSE to change and they blame everything on you and everyone that hurt them since they were 5. They refuse to take ANY responsibility for any of the arguments and when you tell them what you want in a relationship, they refuse to meet your needs. They're selfish. This random will drive you nuts because you just want them to really see themselves and grow up already. If you're dating one of these.. you'll develop greatly in patience. If they're a good guy or girl, just stay on your face before God & let Him work on them. Respond in love.
9. Critical Random- This random crushes all of your ideas and visions. They don't believe ANY of the passions in your heart and think you're crazy. If you hang around the long enough-- you'll begin to believe the lie and your confidence will dropsignificantly. YOUR job is never good enough for this random. They want you to be a doctor or something.. anything BUT what you're doing now. Your job values you to this random. They'll try to change EVERYTHING about your look because you need to make them look good .. so you're too skinny, too fat, too this too that. They tell you it's because they care for you.. but in all honestly, they don't believe in you. Lets all be clear, you have enough issues to deal with in this world, you don't need to be with someone that doesn't respect you & really LISTEN & love you.
10. Ex-Relationship Random- This random is your ex boo. You've been on & off forever & you still sleep together every now & then. You know that you aren't supposed to be together but you're torn. You know they ain't no good but you want to feel good about yourself & your lonely. This random fills your little voids. So when you want to feel pretty or not deal with your emotions, you call each other. But deep down, you know it's over. You had nothing in common and you GREW apart because you fit each others DYSFUNCTION. SO STOP RUNNING BACK TO THAT EX. You want to know how to get free? Finally make the decision and CUT THEM OFF. Guard your heart.. Proverbs 4:23.
These randoms want you to miss them, text them, call them, Facebook them.. for they have planted seeds to wheel you in. They planted seeds in YOU and so many others. So if you really want to know, you're not the only ONE. You see, a random finds value in their many options and they like attention and wish that they can take bits and pieces of people and make one. They aren't satisfied with JUST you alone.. if they were, they would have committed to you & figured it out.
THE PERSON THAT GOD HAS FOR YOU WILL MEASURE UP!!!!! It's vital that we don't RUN to these randoms for fulfillment that ONLY comes from GOD alone. YES, God can change the above randoms and as I said before-- these are examples. You could be in a relationship with someone who is a bit immature, but he's growing and changing and you believe that God led you to that relationship. Great. Lets all remember that our focuses.. cannot be on "getting us a man or a woman"-- our eyes must stay on Christ. Don't let these little distractions KEEP you from doing what God is calling you to do. And yes, a relationship can wipe you out.
That man or woman should PUSH you towards Christ.. not away from Him.