Healing & Hope After Divorce

By Nicole Wian

God hates divorce.  To the Christian, I’m sure this is no newsflash.  As a divorced Christian, I understand why God hates divorce.  He hates it because it hurts His children.  He hates it the way I hate seeing my children in conflict or in disobedience and enduring consequences because of their failure to think ahead, or because they allow that pesky self-will to run riot.  I hate when my children suffer because I love them.  God hates divorce because He loves us.

The sentiment that God detests broken marriages, however, is often flung around in sermons, or tossed into a gossip fest, or employed as a warning of damnation.  I know this because I have been guilty of using this passage to pass judgment before I was divorced; I will never do so again.

I heard and read that divorce could be likened to an amputation and the grieving process is similar to accompanying a death.  Believe me when I tell you, these things are true.  Throughout my process, I kept thinking, “Oh.  Yeah.  This really is as bad as people say it is.”  You don’t know until you know.  I wouldn’t recommend it.

As bad as divorce is, I’m going to venture a guess that it may be more difficult for the Christian. The Christian, who sadly (according to many studies) is not immune, but realizes they bear extra guilt and an additional sense of failure because it is termed, ‘sin’.  This group, perhaps, obtains an additional loss as their sense of security in the body of Christ is shaken.  At least, this is my experience.

This is the first time I have truly ventured to tackle my pain in written words.  I have alluded to this topic on my blog, but have not had the courage or capacity to share my testimony; I still would never divulge the intimate details or outline the story.  There comes a time when a writer must bleed on paper and this is a defining point in my life.  I choose to bleed my first piece on Whole because I know what it’s like to be broken.  I knew the moment I read the mission statement, “here at Whole”, there was healing offered.  I share to heal and to offer hope through my honesty.

There is hope.  I am still on the journey and there is much more work to do, but I am here ‘working’ and letting you in.  Healing begins with acknowledgment.  While I have no desire to debate the legalities of divorce, I hope to shed light on a topic that is still considered a “dirty” word in church.  No group should ever feel alone in the body of Christ.  My hope is that by speaking my story, the body of Christ will remember amazing grace as well as compassion. Remember how tender God is; remember how He looked on the human race with compassion so many times while He walked the earth. Remember that we could begin to bridge the gap of visible and invisible shortcomings. Remember that those hurting will believe His grace is sufficient, if we will too.