By Myla Rayford

We all long to be loved! Is it really worth giving up things that are non-negotiable? Have we really lost all of our self-respect, dignity, and self-worth just to have a man? Hey, I’ve been there, giving a random guy your attention just because you don’t want to be lonely. Loving a man too much who really doesn’t care about anything, other than getting in your pants. I know that all too well. No matter how smart, beautiful, and reserved you are some men just want to get in your pants. What about the man that you know has to be cheating or has another girl on the side, yet he keeps telling you, “everything is in your head; we will be together”.

I have learned the hard way most of the time. Giving chances to guys who I know in my mind really don’t deserve one, but I don’t want to seem mean; I mean, a book is not always what it seems right? Ha! Go with your first instinct! That is always God speaking to you.

I took the time to really see what some men were thinking when it came to relationships and marriage. I interviewed random people and observed people in their natural elements talking with friends about what they wanted or didn't want in a mate.

Over the years, my views have changed regarding relationships and marriage. I am much wiser; I do not look for what looks and feels good. I want more; my mate has to be a man after God’s own HEART. I will no longer compromise with this issue. I want us to be blessed in the eyes of the Lord. I found out a long time ago that I couldn't be with a non-believer. It will never work; there will always be a part of the relationship that is strained. (A non-believer is someone who may know God, but they do not actively pursue Him, or someone who does not believe in God at all.)

Male Prospective

I observed a group of young men at a restaurant sitting around talking. The things they were saying [honestly] were absolutely appalling. The conversation was about getting grills (gold teeth) and how they want a woman who is a freak in the bed; if she is not putting up or bringing dough (money), then she needs to step. My blood was boiling as I heard this, but I kept listening as I was eating. LOL. The rest of the conversation was about how a young lady needs to have a banging body and have the best skills in the bed. The way they were degrading women was so unbelievable; you really had to be there.

Later, I went around to different malls and took various train rides in my city. While in passing, I was curious to really know if all men think about women that way. Most wanted a woman that they could see “eye to eye” with. They wanted someone who had smarts; something beyond what is going on in the celebrity world. These gentlemen I surveyed also wanted a freak in the bed and felt if he had to wait for the goods, there was no point.

Some men did express their interests in finding a woman after God’s heart. They know and love the Lord and are willing to grow together and build a loving relationship through Christ. It is nice to hear there are men who truly value God’s grace and not what they see Lil’ Wayne doing.

This was very interesting. It pains me that so many young ladies are getting the short end of the stick when it comes to dating and prospects for marriage. We really need more men to step up and teach our young men how to love.

Ladies, do you really want a man who thinks your greatest asset is your body? No. Why subject yourself to what a random [man] has to offer? Chase God, not a man. You want a man that will treat you like the queen you are. Not, someone who treats you as less than an equal, or keep you around for a good time. You’ve tried new things to make it work, but it never does because you’re supposed to wait for whom God has for you! Hey, you caught me; I’m guilty of this as well.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and he gave himself up for her.”

I want man who is going to love me like he loves Christ. This is the kind of love you should be longing for. I challenge you to make a list of everything you want in a man and pray over it.


Will you let go and let God take over from here?