Learning how to press pass disagreements in marriage.
The other day, hubby and I had a major argument about 10 pm, it was late we were both tired and to be honest I can't even remember why it started. By 11 pm, we were both heading to bed and neither of us was speaking to the other. I was too tired to apologize and make it all better, but even more than that, I was holding on to my belief that I was right and he was wrong therefore, lying there, sitting in silence was the best option in my opinion.
It wasn't until about 15 minutes into my "lying there" (because I couldn't get to sleep) the Holy Spirit prompted me and said what if tonight was the last night you would have with your spouse. I began to twist and turn in the bed because I did not want to hear this, I was right, he was wrong and I was not going to bend on the issue. In my mind, I always bend on the issues. The Lord, however, was trying to get me to see the bigger picture, he kept prompting me with little things, showing me people who had been here one day and gone tomorrow, I even heard these words ringing in my head, "Don't miss out on love." I was torn, but I knew what I had to do, I leaned over and said I am sorry and that was the end of the disagreement. Whatever it was about (because I still can't even remember) it was futile in the scope of life.
The bible states that we should not allow the sun to go down on our wrath, I had never understood this more clearly than this night. I would always consider a disagreement as such and if the cold shoulder is necessary until such time the two parties come to an amicable decision (sounds like a business agreement) then so be it. If that just so happened to include overnight negotiations or non- negotiations I was up for the challenge.
But marriage is different, it is not a business contract that we sort through and allow our spouse to ponder in the middle of the night, wondering if tomorrow will bring new conflicts or resolutions. We must find it in ourselves to take the high road and embrace differences.
Generally speaking, the commonalities you share in the first phase of marriage, has fizzled by the second phase. We have taken up the position of individual working towards a collective effort rather than collectively working towards finding the individual.
As time passes on, we can become increasingly more comfortable with the thought our spouse will always be there. Taking time for granted and using its resource like wasted water from a dripping faucet. The word of God states, however, that tomorrow is not promised and so we must take advantage of today and everyday. Every moment we share with our spouse is a gift from God, giving us one more opportunity to embrace love.
I have now realized that despite my emphatic need to be right, it is more important to be loved. This makes for more peaceful days and much more restful nights. As wives, God created us to be adaptable, encouraging, and graceful. When we look to him for resolutions, he provides the words to say, a softened heart, and ear to hear what he is saying.
Before you lay down to sleep each night, clear out the junk that may have come between you and your spouse today. Create an atmosphere that is conducive to sweet dreams and intimacy. Don't dwell on things that build up walls between the two of you and have an open heart to receive him. Let the love of each day be refreshed, renewed, revealed in you, his wife.
Tiffany Fulcher is a writer, entrepreneur, speaker, and a woman with a heart for God. As a mother and wife she understands God's desire for women to walk in their authoritative influence not just in their families but in the entirety of the world. Her passion is to encourage women to live by God's design and purpose for their lives. Her words to live by for all women is Impact, Impart, Influence.