I had the privilege of discussing the importance of communication in marriage the other day with some really great women. So many of them where single and searching for their proclaimed “Mr. Right”, you know the fanatical perfect man who will sweep us off our feet and make everything right in our world.
While conversing with them my heart and mind was searching for all the right things to say. These were educated, beautiful, God-fearing women who all had something to offer, but they were all caught up in this ideal futuristic knight and shining armor carrying a bible badge and sword with all of this knowledge, wisdom, and an established career well beyond his years.
And so I began by explaining to them that your future husband is God made not Disney-inspired. This talk took them all by surprise but I thought it was really important to make real-life connections to relationships rather than stories that objectify men as a savior of the world.
I want women to really understand that men are just like you; they have issues, concerns, difficult days, insecurities, doubts, fears, and worries. They are holding on to God’s grace, mercy, kindness, patience, and seeking his purpose for their lives. They are doing all of this while leading businesses, friends, family, and communities.
When you are looking for what God would have for you in a relationship find the man that you can come along side to help nurture, build, pray for and encourage. Men need a helpmate, not a bible toting princess looking to be handed the world and the red carpet. We have to be willing to get in the trenches with an art project before we can stand alongside and celebrate with a masterpiece.
Instead of being so consumed with our future mate must-haves, we need to spend more time investing in our preparation of who we need to be.
In the book of Esther it talks explicitly about her 12-month preparation before she spent time in the presence of the King. This time was spent beautifying her body and preparing her mind. She was the woman who won the king’s heart but she was also the influence who encouraged him to make a decision that changed her nation for forever.
Before you begin quoting the necessities of your prince, be sure you are equipped to be a princess. Spend time with God and allow him to build up the characteristics that are necessary for you to run a kingdom (your household) and influence a nation (your children). Be committed to that process in your heart and mind. Let the fruits of God spirit work in and through so that they may be applicable in their time of need.
While your working, building and growing, God will find you trustworthy, accountable and worthy of the right man. Not a perfect man but the man perfect for you, and when he finds you he will find favor with the Lord. As a helpmeet we have to be responsible stewards of our calling. We can’t find ourselves falling prey to the all about me culture before we even get started. The entirety of who we are as women in a relationship is about giving, if we are only filled up on receiving before we get started we will run out of steam early in our marriage. As you wait for him, allow God to fill you up in this season until your cup overflows. Let the gentle nature of the Holy Spirit fill you with the power, perseverance, and presence you will need to carry out a lifetime of treasure. He might be ready and waiting, the question is are you?
The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD. - Proverbs 18:22
[photo credit: Shannon L. Miller]