I am a woman who no longer has her father because he passed away when I was younger. I definitely did not fully realize how his not being here, has affected my life until I became an adult.
Do not get me wrong, I have many great men in my life but to sit down and have a conversation with my father, as the woman I am today would be priceless.
The men I do know are of great influence to me. I am watching them because I do not have my father to watch. As a woman, I am looking to see what their relationship with God looks like, or not. I am looking to see how they work, communicate, talk, walk, and how they interact with the people in their lives, among other things. One thing I have found that I look at the most, is how men treat the women in their lives. I can try to remember how that feels and what that looks like with my father as a child, because those are the only memories I have of him, but they are not always clear or fulfilling.
I look to the men around me, whether they know it or not. Though I look to God, I am still watching them to see how they treat their wives, daughters, or the women in their lives, to have an example of how I should be treated.
I am not sure that men realize how important they are to the women that they are around, especially to the women who do not have their fathers [male influence]. We are always looking for representations of strong male figures. Men that make us feel secure, who are emotionally available to us, and will not violate our trust.
Something as simple as a man walking into a room, and watching as he greets everyone, especially those closest to him, speaks volumes. This is not to say that every encounter has to be perfect, because no one is perfect, but it does say something about a man’s character on the days when things are not going so well.
Men, you are important to the women in your lives, no matter what state your life is in. We are watching, and you are an example to us, whether it is directly or indirectly. Your life is a testimony.
Often we want to stuff down and hide the things that we do not want people to see because it is just easier. We want to run or numb the pain, and it allows us to check out just long enough to be swept away so that we do not have to deal the issue. When we get down from our high, the issue is there. We have still abandoned ourselves, problems, families, and in general, life. We do not realize how this affects the world [people] around us.
I am so thankful that I was introduced to God and he was able to show me what a father looks like and what the characteristics of a man are supposed to be.
In the past. I have been a woman who believed that male influence in my life was not essential. I thought I would be just fine without it, aside from the fact that it truly made me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually uncomfortable. The idea of a male figure in my life knowing, fully the depths of who I am as a person made my skin crawl. The fact that I would have to be vulnerable, unguarded, and open to being known without total control of the situation or circumstance; now that was a scary thought.
This is also why I, at one time, had trouble being in a relationship with God, and letting him love me beyond all my imperfections; and me love him back.
He sees us exactly as we are, which can seem frightening. It reminds me of the words of a song by the group Forever Jones:
I see you, in all you do
Your not just a face in the crowd
I know your name, in touch with your smile,
I've been watching you for a while,
I see you
It is important for us to know that no matter who chooses to see us or not, we are seen. For the men that understand the significance of their role in the lives of women or not, you are still seen. Whether we would like to honor it or not, men are important to us as women.
Opening my heart to acknowledge this fact has definitely changed my life and has deepened my relationship with God because I am no longer running. I choose to go deeper daily because I understand the importance of knowing every aspect of who God is and has called me to be. Sometimes going deeper means we are not aware of what or how much we are going to have to pull up and out; but if you allow God to be your guide and walk you through it, you will not have to pull up the weight alone [good or bad].
He will do the pruning and cleaning so that we can serve properly. He will provide the help you need, but you also have to be willing to do the work.
When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish.” “Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.” And this time their nets were so full of fish they began to tear! A shout for help brought their partners in the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking. When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said, “Oh, Lord, please leave me—I’m too much of a sinner to be around you.” For he was awestruck by the number of fish they had caught, as were the others with him. His partners, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, were also amazed. Jesus replied to Simon, “Don’t be afraid! From now on you’ll be fishing for people!” (Luke 5:4-10 NLT)
When we do not understand our influence or significance in this world, we will not go deeper to find it.
Find out who you are, what you are influenced by, and how it has affected your life. Although it may seem insignificant, someone is watching and is influenced by you.