I am sure it has not been an easy road for you. Sometimes we have to take on multiple roles and we are only one person.
In the midst of giving, you may find that you are extending yourself beyond what you have been called to do. In these moments you find yourself drained and trying to hold onto yourself in a way that makes you feel whole.
You are trying to grasp tightly to what pieces of you are left in order to survive. The very thought of allowing yourself to be vulnerable when you feel you have nothing left to give seems like such an unnerving place. It is a boundless space where there is nothing secure or solid to hold you up; but God is there.
It may even be hard for you to be affectionate or give something as simple as a hug because though it seems easy to some, there is a complexity that you feel when having to connect with another; there is almost a wall there.
When you do choose to connect or communicate, it is as if you are trying to fill a void; and though you decide to share yourself with people, it is in a way that allows them to feel and understand the great depths of love within your heart and not the voids in your soul.
Sometimes we make every effort to ensure that those around us not only see but feel like nothing or rather no one is missing. We try to come up with creative ways to extend ourselves more than we can. In our minds we almost believe that there is more than one of us to go around.
It is amazing how we forget so quickly that the God we serve is able to nurture and give nourishment beyond our human capacity.
Through all that we endure, God covers us. He helps us maintain and balance our lives and relationships so that they are filled with love, security, and peace; even when we do not feel that those things are there to offer.
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. (Ephesians 3:19, 20 NLT)
You need support and love too but we like to pretend that help is not necessary for our survival. I definitely had to learn the hard way that we do not grow in isolation but rather in community; amongst other believers.
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17 ESV)
If you want to give and share, you must know how and be willing to receive.