A couple days ago I stumbled across this quote by C.S. Lewis and I began to cry, because it rings so true to what I am feeling and going through in this current season of my life.
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”-C.S. Lewis
I knew that a big change would need to happen and that my “house” would need to be remodeled, but I didn't realize it would have to be demolished, overhauled and completely rebuilt. I thought this renovation would be complete and that this process would be over by now. With all my assumptions and timelines have also come with many emotions and unmet expectations.
So what were these assumptions and expectations?
First, I thought I would be a lot further along in my life than I currently am. I am not saying that I am ungrateful by any means. I am thankful for all that God has blessed me with; I just assumed that I would be further along like so many others I see around me. I guess I assumed that God would take out a magic wand like some sort of fairy godmother and “poof!” turn me into Cinderella (the fancy version of course, not the chimney sweeping version). My prince would be led to my humble abode by one of my lost fancy shoes and break me out of this daily rut I often feel stuck in (aka my evil stepsisters “piles of laundry” and “4 year old fit and toy throwing.”). Of course then my prince would marry me, my 4 year old would miraculously stop throwing fits and my prince would take me to our palace where I would start my dream job of writing, music and photography in my sweet office overlooking the kingdom. Ha! Talk about a dreamer! Ok well maybe I over-exaggerated a bit, but I thought I would be married or at least be on my way that direction. I thought I would have my dream job; I would have more energy, more money, some travel and less stress. I did not think I would be circling my same old issues again, but by this time they would be gone and I would be “cured.”
What I am now learning is that God is working on rebuilding me and my life but that He is not a God of doing a so-so job, but a God of remarkable and beautiful things. He specializes in turning shacks into lighthouses. He has no timeline on His renovations, ways and works (at least not any of the timelines we use).
I am also learning:
- To give up/abandon my timeline and process.
- That slow and steady wins the race, and slowness does not mean you will never win the race. It's not in the time you run the race, but how you run it and finish it.
- That true progress never ends.
- To adjust my sails. Adjustment is necessary and change is inevitable, even if I don’t like it.
- My life and who I am belongs to God and not to me or anyone else.
I pray that you remain encouraged and that God breathes new life into your bones. I pray that though your current renovation may be taking longer or is a lot harder than you first expected, that you stay the course because GOD IS WORKING. I pray this week that when you feel overwhelmed or like God isn't working in your life, that you stop and repeat out loud, "God I trust you and even though I may not see how you arr working in my life now, I know you are working and I will see the results."