God, I Failed You
“God, I know I haven’t prayed to you in a while. I just...can’t right now. Im going through some things and trying to think through some things...I just need a moment to figure myself out. I haven’t been right lately...but Im gonna get it together and when I do...I’ll be back.”
How many of us have ever suffered from the “Let me fix this” syndrome or the “let me get right first” syndrome. Whew, I know I have. We either did something wrong (maybe repeatedly), thought something wrong or have just been struggling and it keeps us from coming face to face with our Father. There’s a word for that. “Condemnation”. And it haunts us no matter how big or how small. Condemnation is the definition and feeling of being disapproved of and denounced. It literally carves a separation between us and God. It never comes from God but always from the enemy. It convinces us that He wants nothing to do with us. And even more dangerously, it sometimes convinces us that we can and have fallen out of His love and out of His plan for our life.
Its so easy for us to make these assumptions, you know? To think of God like a man. To assume His behaviors are like those we’ve encountered with people. To think, I did you wrong, you must be against me and I now need to make it up to you in order to win back your love to be in right standing again. How many times have we dared to think of God in the light of a man- that He wouldn’t forgive us because we’ve messed up so many times...because we’ve denied Him in our heart or with our actions so many times that we wouldn’t forgive us. We stopped picking up His calls, we haven’t responded to His texts in fact we’ve been flat out ignoring Him so He couldn’t possibly want anything to do with us. In our minds we’ve made Him out to be flat out conditional.
What. A. Big. Fat. Lie.
But it sounds so true. It makes so much sense.
But God is not like man. According to His word, He does not think like man. He does not love like man. He does not forgive like man. He does not quit like man. He’s not that man.
God wants to get in your mess with you...right now. Do you hear me? He wants to go into those dark places, those confused and doubtful places with you. He wants to be face to face with your sin, with your mistakes, with your dirty thoughts and your inadequate thinking. He wants to DIG deep into the dirt of your heart and uproot your sin and doubt. You think He’s intimidated? You think He’s surprised? You think its too much for Him to handle? Stop it. He knows what you struggle with, why you struggle with it and how to overcome it. He created you. This biggest mistake we could make is trying to navigate life without the Creator of life. Is try to navigate the journey without the map maker. The only way we will reach the mark of where we should be and what we were created for in life is by following His instruction and seeking him to get back on track when we’ve taken a detour (no matter how big the detour).
The enemy wants us lost, confused, dejected, alone, in the dark and isolated. The moment we find ourselves there is the moment we’re right were he wants us. But we cannot give him that.
God wants to use you even when you’ve failed Him. He is a God of new beginnings, and even more importantly, a God who wants to help you reach those new beginnings. You are so precious to Him. He still loves you. He still wants you. He still has a plan for you.
Give Him your time again. Pray. Usher in His presence with worship. Read His word again, let His promises reassure your doubts. Stop running. Stop waiting till you’re perfect to approach Him. Face Him right where you are because “He who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (Philippians 1:6) Its a promise. It is a process. It is a continuous work. There will be set backs, there will be failures and there will be testing but He will not give up on you.