If you are anything like me, then you’ve never truly learned or were taught what a husband should look like. Many women learn what a good man (what a good man looks like) is by their fathers. We tend to be drawn to the familiar, because the familiar is comfortable.
Just to give you a little background on my relationship with my father (without going into too many details), my father has been a heroin addict for as long as I can remember. Those drugs turned him into a monster many times. He was in my life until I was 12 and I did not reconnect with him until I was 23. At 23 I learned he had been in prison for several years for drug offenses, only to watch him go right back into prison for 10 more years. I love my father even after the rocky life I lived with him and learning how to somehow have a relationship as an adult with him, but because of what I went through with him and things I watched, I was almost doomed to make unhealthy decisions with men. So from knowing that small amount of information about my father, you can see why I would fall for the wrong men throughout my life (rocky relationships to say the least). What I think we fall for can be our eventual downfall if chosen incorrectly.
What we look for when we look for the wrong men:
We look for titles to give us self-worth,
We listen to talk instead of looking at their fruit,
We look to media over Biblical truth to learn what a real man looks like,
We look for swag over a gentleman,
We look for a savior over a friend,
We look at potential over the current actuality,
We tend to invest in the now instead of the later.
In order to be clear on what to look for in a future husband we need to be armed with information from God's word and not our own understanding or false media representations.
To arm ourselves on what to look for in a potential husband we can go into the Bible for the characteristics of a Godly husband.
- “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
- “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” (Ephesians 5:28-33)
- Loving and not harsh. “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” (Colossians 3:19)
- Be equally yoked. “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
- A true condition of a man’s heart is by his fruit. According to Galatians 5:22-23 the character traits (or “fruit of the Spirit”) we should observe in a man are:
- Is a provider. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1Timothy 5:8). Though the Bible does talk about the wife working (Proverbs 31:15-19, 24) as well; the wife should not be the only one working, supporting, taking on all the work.
- Is Considerate. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.” (1 Peter 3:7)
- He should be focused and interested on/in you, not captivated and infatuated by every/or some other woman. “My son, why be infatuated with an unknown woman? Why embrace the body of a loose woman?” (Proverbs 5:20)
A few more things:
- If you don’t have peace about a potential husband (no matter how good he may look on paper or in real life), don’t ignore that! Take it to God in prayer, like all things. God is a God of peace not of anxiety or chaos.
- Don't be a dream buyer or seller. Be honest and don’t allow colorful and lovely words knock you off your feet. Expect nothing less than honesty in return. Save yourself heartbreak later. A great quote to remember; "If someone shows you their true colors, don't try to repaint them."
- Be aware. How does he talk to or treat others around him?
Praying for each one of you! Keep your head held high and keep your crown on. Do not settle for less than God's best.