I spent a few hours with a dear friend tonight talking about the way that our lives can be so radically changed in such a short amount of time when The Lord pursues us. So much of the way that God can use us is by pointing back to His glory through our story. I wanted to share a piece of my testimony in the hopes of encouraging you to do the same. This post is from a blog I wrote over two years ago, but I love to look back to remind myself of how far The Lord has brought me. He will wreck your life so that you can share the change that He gracefully offers.
So I've been thinking a lot today about what my life was like five years ago on this day. I woke up and ran errands without eating breakfast, found out my car was rejected for inspection after getting four brand new tires put on only to hear that my brakes were bad. I thought it was the end of the world. I went home and cried because I didn't know how I was going to stretch my pennies everywhere they needed to go.
That night, we went out to "celebrate" my husband's new job. I ate my first (delicious) meal of the day, and accompanied it with too many glasses of wine. We then went to "celebrate" a little more at a bar, and another bar, and another bar. Then, we headed home. Since I had drank so much to help celebrate, my mouth was pouring out a lot of colorful talk—loudly, angrily, bitterly. My husband stopped the car on 460 and got out to start walking home. I got behind the wheel and yelled convincingly for him to get back in. I drove us home. Made it to the top of the driveway and he got out again to go for a walk (the conversation was filled with words of anger, unforgiveness and jealousy) so I decided to go for a drive. I hit the gas and I never let off, even when I saw the headlights heading toward me (because I was in their lane) and heard my husband's voice screaming for me.
I was upside down in the ditch. My husband was trying to pull me out and he couldn't because I had my seat belt on. I made my way out the window. We held each other in the ditch until the police arrived and found us both sobbing. I had a piece of glass between my eyes. That was it, no other injuries.
My heart was sober even though my body wasn't. For the first time, I realized that God wanted me. His Grace was the only reason that I walked away from that accident. That curve had claimed many lives before and has since. I was spared to share this story about what He has done for me and all of us.
My life isn't perfect, I have gone through trials and heartaches since that night. The difference is that I don't face those issues with the hopeless heart I had before. I'm not angry. I'm not bitter. I'm not jealous. I am covered by the blood of Jesus and I am so grateful. I am brought to tears when I think about the chance of missing these past 5 years, and everything that has changed so much since then. Our marriage is stronger now than I ever could've dreamed it would be then, we have an incredible daughter and all of our needs are met. God provides. He never fails. Never.
We may not see it in the midst of the trial, but God makes all things work together for our good.
For those of you who read this and knew me before five years ago, I hope this can explain the changes you see that may leave you puzzled.
I am a new creation, 5 years strong. Thank you God.
The Lord pursued me before I even considered turning to Him. I had no idea that the very thing that was missing in my life was the only thing that I would ever truly need. A real relationship with a real Savior. If you are reading this today and you find yourself living in despair, ask Jesus to come into your heart and make you whole. Your life won't be perfect, but you will have the true anchor of Hope beside you every step of the way.
"As God’s co-workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain. For he says, 'In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.' I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.'" -2 Corinthians 6:1-2
"But what does it say? The Word (God’s message in Christ) is near you, on your lips and in your heart; that is, the Word (the message, the basis and object) of faith which we preach, because if you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart a person believes (adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Christ) and so is justified (declared righteous, acceptable to God), and with the mouth he confesses (declares openly and speaks out freely his faith) and confirms [his] salvation." -Romans 10:8-10