I still remember that time so vividly; we had shared a love I’d never shared with anyone else. We seemed so perfect for each other. Yes, we had our ups and downs, but who doesn't? That moment we had both feared (or so he had claimed he feared), when the other may walk away from the relationship and that would be the end. We would do the cute little jokes; “you’re going to leave first” he would say. “No you’re going to leave first,” I would joke back. So imagine my surprise when this person left with no good explanation and didn't even speak the words, “I think we should break up.” The fact was he was done, he left and did not look back and I had no reason why. You always think in the back of your mind that they will realize how much the love and miss you and come running back, but what if they don’t? What do you do when someone walks out on you for no good reason (or for no reason at all) and never even turns around to look back? When it’s like they erased you from their life so easily and you are left there in disbelief and your faiths in shambles.
First off, I believe we need to go through the grieving process. The seven stages of grief are not just for a death of a loved one (let’s be honest when someone leaves our life and never comes back, it feels like a death).
- Shock or Disbelief
- Acceptance and Hope
A few things:
- There is no grieving timeline, each person and situation is different. Grieving and healing is not a race, it’s a marathon.
- Closure is overrated. There is all this talk about how you need closure to move on. The truth is the only closure you need is within yourself and with the power and love of God. You don’t need to contact them, have dinner and throw your feelings at them while demanding they give you the reasons why they left. You need to go to God and allow him to work in you to obtain the true healing you need that will give you closure. Closure comes from you, not from the one who hurt or left you.
- Embrace what’s to come. There comes a point when you have to let go of the "whys" and embrace what's to come.
- Thank God for His protection. God obviously saw a storm coming and more hurt down the road and He protected you from it. Praise God!! Remember that we can’t see as far down the road as God can (we are very short sighted).
- If they left, they were not for you. What is for you will not leave. 1 John 2:19 says it so perfectly:
“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.” -1 John 2:19
- Don’t blame yourself. I believe it’s always good to do some self-reflecting and taking responsibility for any wrongs we have done, but many times when someone leaves it’s because of them and not you.
If you are struggling with this right now, I want to pray for you.
Dear Lord, Father, Abba, Jesus,
Please comfort all of my sisters and brothers who are mourning, who feel they have lost and not gained. Help those whose color has drained from the world and every moment of every day seems like a chore. Jesus, please bring back color to each of their lives and show your love, power and peace. For any of them who may be wavering in their faith now that their world has been shaken and turned upside down, help them to see that you are faithful and that you will bring to pass all of the promises and desires you have uniquely planted in their hearts. Let them see that they are not abandoned, but cherished so deeply that you protect them even when they don’t see the danger coming. Father, I pray that you will show them that it’s darkest before the dawn, but joy comes in the morning. My heart aches for all of my sisters and brothers that are devastated by loss. It may be loss of a partner, a husband or wife, a child, a mother or father, a sister or brother or a friend. Show them you are here especially in the midst of loss and confusion. You are closest to the brokenhearted. I come to you with thanksgiving and praise and I lift my hands to you. You are so good! I pray in Jesus most holy and precious name, Amen!