When the Darkness Nears


I have felt the darkness creeping towards me in the past few weeks. The rooms seem to be a little smaller and the air a little thicker. My chest is heavy and my body can't seem to get enough rest. All I've wanted to do is lay in bed and pretend no one else exists. My husband really doesn't like it when I use the word depressed, but that is simply the truth of what has been sneaking in. The fight in me is strong and persistent, but every once in a while I just simply don't feel like wrestling with it anymore and I give in. Depression is a real thing. I don't dare think that I have it as extreme as some people, but I know that it is an illness, and it's not just something you can smile your way out of.

This week, unless you have been living under a rock somewhere you must have seen the news of the death of Robin Williams. To some, he was a hero, an icon, an inspiration, and now I'm seeing so many positive quotes by him that are showing up on my social media feed. Something that he has brought to the spotlight is a raised awareness of mental illness and depression. It's so incredibly important to seek help when it's needed, and to recognize when you need help as well. In my personal life, we have been experiencing an enormous amount of stress and strain over the past year.

I think that as Christians, when we struggle with something like this, it makes us feel like we aren't walking in our Faith the way we should, at least for me I know it has. I feel like God is disappointed in me for not being more grateful for all of the wonderful things in my life. I have so many blessings surrounding me, and although our current circumstances are far from perfect, we are healthy and loved, and there is just so much to be thankful for. Despite all of these things, and despite knowing the truth that The Lord sees my pain and struggle and He is for me and not against me, I still sink into the hole. It's not constant, and it's not suffocating me the way it has in the past, but it is still waiting right outside my door.

I'm sure that if you struggle with anxiety or depression, you can relate, and perhaps your suffering is far deeper and darker than mine. For that I want you to know that I am sorry, because it is so incredibly difficult to stay focused on the Light when you feel so dark. But please know that The Lord is still there. He's right with you. He's with us. He sees our suffering and He is breathing Life into our hearts and showing us those steps back out into the life that is waiting on us.

When you feel the pit of your stomach knotting up, prepare yourself in the best possible ways. For me, it's watching and listening to sermons, keeping only worship music on the radio, being disciplined and diligent with my devotional readings, and reaching out to friends who I know will speak Life over me and truly pray for me. We need to do our best to stay willing and open to the ways God can use us, even when we feel at our very darkest. And beware, because I know for a fact that the enemy uses this time to tempt and torture even more than usual. Be ready and alert to fight the battle that is always ongoing.

You are loved and lovely. Please never forget this.

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." -Romans 5:6

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." -Romans 8:18

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
-Exodus 14:14


Unstoppable God, by Elevation Worship
Heaven thundered and the world was born
Life begins and ends in the dust You formed
Faith commanded and the mountains moved
Fear is losing ground to our hope in You

Unstoppable God
Let Your glory go on and on
Impossible things
In Your name they shall be done

Freedom conquered, all our chains undone
Sin defeated, Jesus has overcome
Mercy triumphed when the third day dawned
Darkness was denied when the storm was gone

Unstoppable God
Let Your glory go on and on
Impossible things
In Your name they shall be done

Nothing shall be impossible
Your kingdom reigns unstoppable
We'll shout Your praise forevermore
Jesus, our God unstoppable

Unstoppable God
Let Your glory go on and on
Impossible things
In Your name they shall be done







Author image

About the Author:

Emilee is a Christ following wife and mother who lives in Wilmington, North Carolina. She is a former hair stylist who is committed to being used by God in whatever way He sees fit.