"You're not getting any younger,” a well-intentioned friend said to me.
This discussion began after I politely declined an offer to be set up on a blind date by a dear friend of mine. I can understand the concern and want to assist a thirty-three year old woman who is put together and with no apparent reason to be single, obtain a man. However, there seems to be an overwhelming misunderstanding that being single means you are lacking. This particular phrase regarding the known fact that we singles are not getting younger is used to push us to hurry up and settle before no one could possibly be interested in us due to being left on the shelf too long. I can assure you that singles don’t have a dating expiration stamped on us (I’ve checked).
I’m sure many other singles have heard this or something similar:
“But you’ve been single so long.”
“You are too picky.”
“How are you ever going to meet someone if you don’t go out?”
“Go online; there are lots of eligible men on there.”
There is a huge misconception of singles these days that leads to a few of the following assumptions:
- There must be something wrong with you. Maybe you should get a makeover, lose or gain weight.
Of course you can always make changes to yourself physically and internally, BUT the lack of a partner does not mean a single is lacking something that dating people have. I have seen all different types of people physically, mentally and behaviorally in relationships, so lack does not seem to be a huge issue.
- There is no possible way a single would choose to be single.
Actually, I have chosen to be single for many reasons; to fully heal from hurts from my past, to be prepared for my future and future spouse and to focus on bettering myself and pursuing my purpose and callings.
- God seems to be taking too long; maybe you should help Him along.
I believe that people in relationships often get uncomfortable around singles because they feel like singles are uncomfortable around them and in order to remedy that; they need to hurry them into a relationship. According to scripture there is a season for everything, and a time for every matter under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Also, according to Numbers 23:19, God is not human and cannot lie. He fulfills His promises and gives us the desires of our hearts if we actively seek and delight ourselves in Him (Psalm 37:4, Hebrews 11:6)
- Singles must be bitter, a man or women hater or a commitment phob.
No. It’s a choice to heal and become whole for the right committed relationship, till death do you part. It is learning to be committed to God first, in order to be committed to a future spouse.
- Singles are depressed and always lonely. They stay at home every night crying and eating ice cream.
I can assure you this is not the case with many singles. I have seen more single Christians living their lives and having fun without the attachment of a mate.
- Singles are unfulfilled.
You can actually be single and satisfied. I’m sure a couple people reading this just gasped in surprise, but it is a very true statement. I can tell you that I have seen more married people I know miserable, unhappy and more unfulfilled than a lot of singles.
- Singles want to be set up.
I know many well-meaning friends and family think they are doing us singles a favor, but please stop. I want God to set me up, not friends or family.
- Singles are to be pitied.
Singles are not a lesser species because we “lack” a partner. Save the pity, it’s all good over here.
- A luke-warm Christian should do.
NO! If the answer to the first question I would ask in dating a man (do you love and follow Jesus) is kinda, well then I kinda have to go. As I’ve said earlier, settling for less is not an option (and if Jesus is not the main priority then that is less, and a loss instead of a gain to me). If wanting a God fearing man as a priority is being picky, then call and paint me picky.
This is what I know, I feel misunderstood as a single woman.
Just because a single person isn’t actively looking for a relationship, doesn’t mean we don’t want one, one day. The quote bellow puts it perfectly.
“I am waiting for someone who’s worth waiting for or no one at all, and that about sums up my thoughts on singleness.”-Everly Pleasant
I made a decision to give my singleness to God for however long He wants and for His use. He isn’t punishing singles; He is setting singles apart for a season or more because singles are absolutely necessary and vital to further the Kingdom of God.